Making Fate

We didn’t spend the night in New York, but rather found a motel to spend the night, the kind of place where you only stop because you can’t drive any more. Tiny rooms. No restaurant, but there was a diner a block or so away. Very typical American diner.

 

It felt a little surreal. Almost as if it was a virtual reality of a road trip. “Does anything feel wrong to you?”

 

Kanesha considered, then, “This place is too stereotypical.”

 

I nodded. “Okay, it’s not just me.” And it probably was just the place. The uniforms. The menu.

 

Maybe it was set up to be that way, maybe the owners liked being a stereotype. Now I knew it wasn’t just me, though, I kept my eyes open. Our weapons were in the car, safely secured.

 

I hoped nothing would show up that I couldn’t hold off while Kanesha got them. But we ate, and headed for our room, and the uneasy feeling we were both sharing seemed to fade.

 

Maybe the place was some kind of CIA cover or safe house that had to pretend to be a working business. Nothing would have surprised me at this point. Maybe it was somebody else’s safe house.

 

The more I thought about it, the more that seemed the likeliest explanation. Something designed to look exactly like a traditional American diner, in the hope nobody would notice it.

 

But not the CIA. They would have done a better job. Ultimately, I decided it was none of my business, and slept.

 

I woke up early, but I often did. Trying not to disturb Kanesha, I went to the window and looked out into the dawn. There was bustle around the diner, but it could be a delivery.

 

No, it was definitely somebody being hustled out the back door, wrapped in a blanket so they could not be identified. I could not tell if they were being protected or imprisoned.

 

None of my business, I told myself again. Not everything was. Not everything was my burden to bear. That was an important thing to remember, too.

 

I was only one person and I could only be in one place at a time. I felt fire flicker for a moment.

 

I could only be who and what I was, nothing more, nothing less. So, I could not solve every problem and should not try to. The person was helped into a mini-van…they were definitely limping…and it drove off.

 

I decided to tell Kanesha, on the grounds that it might make her feel easier about the place, and because it wasn’t fair otherwise.

 

Then I watched until she got up, and we went back there for breakfast. Different waitress.

 

Better food. But then, some places were known for their breakfasts. Or maybe what I’d actually seen was last night’s cook being fired.

 

We got back in the car and continued to drive north. Things seemed quiet, as if nobody knew for sure where we were to harass us.

 

I knew that would not, could not last.

 

New York was…New York. We had decided to spend the next day here, but to avoid Manhattan prices. Still, we stopped for lunch in the shadow of the skyscrapers.

 

There was a lot going on here, but I had already decided to do my best to ignore it. No doubt this city had its own protectors, some of them perhaps more powerful and more experienced than I am.

 

I also sensed more of a spirit, more of an energy, to the city itself. Perhaps because so many people in DC were transients. Or perhaps because it was so big, and so strongly viewed as the City.

 

We did not go into the City, though. We skirted it, watching it, stopping at a small park to stretch our legs. There were children feeding ducks.

 

“So normal.”

 

“So, we’ll stop somewhere for the night then go into New York?”

 

I nodded. “And not drive. We’ll stop at a parking lot or something.” I didn’t see any reason to hurry any part of the trip, unless we were running out of time. If we did, we could drive through the night, with two of us, and my stamina.

 

So, there was no reason to hurry, none at all.

 

“Yeah, I’ve heard things about parking in Manhattan.”

 

“I don’t think it’s much worse than DC, but it’s definitely going to be easier to take the subway.” Which couldn’t be that much different from DC’s metro.

 

“What do you think is going on there?”

 

I tilted my head, looked towards the city. “A lot of stuff I plan on not getting involved in. Not unless we move.”

 

“Which you aren’t sure about.”

 

I shook my head. “That’s not it, it’s getting you your teacher qualifications I’m worried about.”

 

“It’s even more expensive than DC.”

 

“Maybe. I think it’s easier to live in a cheap neighborhood and commute. And I’m making more money.” Which I was. People were valuing me. Which I had mixed feelings about, given I was pretty sure they were valuing me above women who looked like Kanesha.

 

Certainly above shorter women, but that tended to be how modeling worked. I’d already been told I was too tall to act seriously, so I suppose it evened out.

 

“You are. I don’t know if I want to be rich.” Her tone was teasing.

 

“I can always give it away.” Which I might, some of it. “But come on. New York penthouse?”

 

She considered that. “Only if you don’t mind me slumming it at a struggling school which needs my help.”

 

“Always.” I grinned at her, relaxed and happy for once. “Let’s go?”

 

Of course, once we were off the parkway it wasn’t as much fun, the road full of traffic. Big rigs crawling in the inside lane, and me feeling, well. Nervous.

 

Definitely nervous. I’d gotten so tense I probably needed a spa day. Or some other way to outright force me to relax.

 

Well, if nothing went wrong on this trip it would help. The problem was convincing myself there was any likelihood of nothing going wrong. Before nothing did, by which point it would be essentially too late, I’d be back and facing all of the same decisions.

 

A hawk circled above the highway, looking for roadkill. Clean up crew, I thought wryly. But definitely a hawk, not a raven. Hopefully Odin would leave me alone and let me take a vacation.

 

Unless I was needed. And maybe I could avoid being needed. We kept heading north. Through that east coast megalopolis I talked about earlier, but at least there were some breaks in it. A farm. A field with horses in it. Small stands of trees.

 

An outlet mall.

 

It was all so ordinary, so banal. So much as if the real world was hidden behind a veil.

 

Maybe that was what I needed, though.

 

Finally, I spoke, “I’m too anxious.”

 

“I know. Maybe…”

 

“Maybe we should stop somewhere good for relaxation.”

 

“I think you just need to…” She pauses. “Worry about the bad guys when they show up?”

 

It was good advice. “Well, we’re not stopping at the outlet mall.”

 

She laughed. “Maybe at the end of the trip.”

 

I thought about that. “Maybe. It might not be bad. Right now, though, I don’t want to even think about clothes.”

 

Kanesha laughed again. “What about swords?”

 

“Those too.”

 

I just hoped I could find it in myself to follow her advice. She was right. I’d be a wreck if I didn’t stop worrying about what might happen as opposed to what already did and had.

 

And right now, nothing was, so I could relax and focus on driving. After I switched off with Kanesha, I curled up in the shotgun seat and just watched America go by.

 

Thought of the various places I’d been. Thought of how none of them could really be home, and how I had to remember that, see it as truth. My true home wasn’t even in this reality.

 

That helped.

 

It helped a lot. Leave it, Sigyn had said. I realized she didn’t necessarily mean physically.

 

I could protect it, and care about it, without letting myself be so emotionally tied.

 

I would, though, never leave Kanesha. No, maybe not never, but…

 

I loved her. And there were all kinds of different kinds of love. I loved protecting people, but that didn’t mean I loved them all.

 

It was a clarity of mind I hadn’t experienced in a while. I analyzed it, appreciated it, and then closed my eyes.

 

Starting with getting a car. I was lucky – it only took me a day to find what I was looking for.

 

A camper was, of course, out. I needed something I could park in a city, although I had no intention of driving into Manhattan, but rather finding a park and ride or something. But I also wanted something we could sleep in in a pinch.

 

I ended up with, of all things, a beaten up Mercedes. It was so cheap I checked the trunk for bodies before driving off. I heard one story about a TV presenter who, as part of a stunt, bought a cheap ancient Merc in Miami. It didn’t have a body in the trunk. Just a bloody hoodie.

 

Presumably they disposed of the body before dumping the car. The only thing I found in the trunk of this one was an empty beer cooler, which I decided we’d just keep. Probably not for beer, mind. For soda, though, it would be perfect. It smelled of cheap cleaning fluid, but it started, it had been serviced, and the seats were leather.

 

If we broke down it would be entirely my fault, and I’d take full responsibility for it. I managed to get basic insurance quickly – fortunately, car insurance agencies seem to be used to wheeled impulse buys. Kanesha laughed when she saw it.

 

“Okay, why was it cheap?”

 

“I don’t know. I checked it for bodies. It probably drinks gas like nothing else, but we can sleep in it if we need to.”

 

She walked around the car, then nodded. “Okay.”

 

“I also got the windscreen washer fluid filled, and I got like a car first aid kit.” I grinned. “So…”

 

“I packed. You still need to.”

 

I also had to tell the landlord I’d be gone for two weeks, otherwise they’d put notices on my door and it would become obvious to a thief that I wasn’t there. And pack.

 

But then we could get out of here, and I found myself quite antsy to. And to some place that wasn’t Los Angeles.

 

That was somebody else’s problem, though. I knew that at some deep level. Not my issue to fix. And as frustrating as that was, I was also relieved. I had, after all, quite enough on my plate without yet more stuff to worry about. This trip would probably cause me to run into something, too.

 

Or just hunters, like dreadlock guy, although he’d apparently satisfied himself that I wasn’t a threat or whatever he’d been worried about and, well, left. Unless he’d gone the same way we were.

 

By the time I got back to the car, Kanesha had filled the cooler with soda, stocked up on snacks and was eyeing the entertainment system. “Won’t hook up phones.”

 

“We can get some CDs.” For now, I tuned the radio. It crackled, then hooked on to a station. No, it wouldn’t hook up a phone or get Sirius, but there was still radio.

 

And there was us, and heading out of town with the road beneath our wheels, at least as fast as DC’s traffic allowed.

 

No sense of foreboding, either. But that meant only that the threat was not immediate.

 

For now, though, I decided to enjoy the open road.

 

“So, Los Angeles was a wash?”

 

I sighed. “Los Angeles is possessed. I mean, the entire place.”

 

Kanesha blinked. “I thought that was an urban fantasy trope.”

 

“So did I. But it’s not…it’s not something I can deal with right now. Maybe I know somebody who knows somebody, though.”

 

She nodded. “So…”

 

“So, you don’t have to start classes again for two weeks. How about we just…not be here for those two weeks.”

 

She laughed. “Road trip?”

 

“Road trip.”

 

“Where to, though?”

 

I considered that. “We’ve already done the Outer Banks this year.”

 

“And I’m not letting you anywhere close to that selkie!” she teased.

 

I laughed, but realized I was blushing. “So…we go north instead.” I grabbed her laptop and pulled out a map. “North to New York, along the coast to Boston, up into New Hampshire and then to Albany, then Niagara Falls.”

 

“I like that. I hear the Canadian side’s better, but…”

 

“Then we go back through Pittsburgh, Morgantown, and back through the mountains. Should be doable comfortably.” I grinned.

 

“So, we…”

 

“I’m buying a car. It won’t be anything great, but in the long term, I think we need one.”

 

And I already had a thought, but I wasn’t sure I’d go through with it.

 

“Okay. I think I like that. We’ll just…”

 

“Stay in motels when we feel like stopping, go off itinerary if we want to, and hope no fire giants show up.” It would be much more relaxing if I thought that last was anything more than hope.

 

But maybe we’d confuse him. Or maybe he’d think I was making a target of myself.

 

Or of Kanesha. I was surprised he hadn’t tried to kill her yet. If he wanted me to hate him? He was missing a great opportunity.

 

But this would take me out of town long enough to calm down and if he followed us? I’d deal with that then.

 

“I like it.” She grinned. “As for the fire giants?” She made a stabbing motion.

 

I grinned back. “Wish it was that easy, but yeah.” Anything less than Surtur or his elites we could deal with.

 

I knew that. But I also knew bad things could still happen. Many of them.

 

I put in my notice at the apartment, and started to reach out to modeling agencies elsewhere. Kanesha’s suggestion was a good one.

 

I felt as if I was tearing her away from everything she was and everything she wanted to be. I knew how much teaching mattered to her. I’d taken her and turned her into something else for what?

 

Because I loved her? Was it real? Could it be…and I knew that for self pity and headed it off before I descended any further down that path. I could waste hours on that.

 

Of course, Baltimore was close enough that I could still work for this agency. But…I couldn’t help but think it wasn’t far enough away.

 

Leave it.

 

My mother knew, though, what it was to be loyal to a lover. She knew about that obstacle. Maybe I should have asked her for advice.

 

Then I found the opportunity. On the west coast. And maybe if we went there the slow way…a road trip.

 

We both had our license. We could buy an old junker, get minimal insurance, I didn’t have much I was attached to and neither did she, not since the fire.

 

We were both kind of sort of adults. I pulled out my cell phone, shook my head. Then sent off the application.

 

I’d talk to her, of course, but I didn’t want her to plan for something which might not happen. Then I kept looking through things, but my mind went back to that agency.

 

Not Hollywood, per se, but close. Would it be too obvious for me? Was anything I did not too obvious, short of asking if I could flee back to Asgard.

 

Where I couldn’t take Kanesha.

 

Where I clearly wasn’t meant to be right now. No. Besides, I wasn’t running. I was tactically retreating so that…

 

…so that he didn’t think I had attachment to any particular place. Of course, I did. I had attachment to Seb and Clara and Will.

 

None of whom were going to come with me. They could manage, though. Derek would stop being my problem.

 

Other things would take his place. I didn’t want to do this, and I knew that was the weapon Surtur had.

 

I had to let go of the place. Not so much the people. People could move, people could run and survive. Places were more vulnerable.

 

I got an email back almost right away. They wanted to fly me out for an interview. In Los Angeles.

 

I did not want to go to Los Angeles in particular, from what I’d heard of the place.

 

But I knew I had to do what my mother said. For once.

 

I could send out a mental call for help stronger than any I’d sent before, reaching into whatever connection held us together.

 

Surtur heard it. He laughed. “Think about it.” And then he and his bodyguards were gone in flames.

 

I ran for the burning building. Maybe I could get some people out.

 

I really was going to kill him, consequences be damned. I wanted to in that moment. But I’d also felt that connection.

 

It wasn’t my task.

 

It wasn’t my task. But I wasn’t going to acquiesce to him either. If what I’d felt was fate, then I was going to make my own.

 

I had choices. And I could feel those, too, for a moment, perhaps a sense of the edge of the web the Norns wove.

 

Which wasn’t about taking away choice. It was about consequences.

 

I ran into the building. I took precautions against the smoke, of course. It wouldn’t hurt me, but it would slow me down. I was determined to get people out.

 

I managed to save three before the professionals showed up. It was an office building, which meant, at least, no kids. Then I stood back and let the firefighters do their job.

 

Thruor showed up. “Surtur?”

 

“He’s now changed tactics to threatening the entire city if I don’t go with him. Of course, if I do…”

 

Her eyes darkened. That’s not usually literal. In her case it was. “I’m going to…”

 

“Kill him for me?” It almost sounded like a request.

 

“It’s tempting.” She let out a breath. “Very tempting. Odin can’t intervene in this directly without starting the war.”

 

“I know.” I looked at the flames. “I tried to stop him, but…”

 

“Your fire magic is not going to be as strong as his. No chance. Don’t feel bad about it.”

 

“I’d rather not have fire magic at all. It…the more I use it…”

 

“Can you stop?” she asked, almost thoughtfully.

 

“I don’t think so.” No, I knew I couldn’t. And I knew it was drawing me, pulling me, closer to other sources of flame. “I haven’t…until now I don’t think I really wanted him dead except as the only way to make him go away.”

 

“Be careful. Hating him…”

 

And I understood. “…can forge a bond as easily as loving him.” I shook my head. “I don’t think I can help it, though.”

 

“Then we need a council of war.”

 

Odin couldn’t interfere directly. Heaven wouldn’t. Neither would Zaid’s alien, desert gods.

 

We had to find out who’s task it was to kill Surtur.