Episode Six: Daddy Issues: Scene 19

St. Jacob’s was, despite the very English name, a very Spanish church. I looked at the mass times and decided the best time to catch the priest was after the late mass and before, hopefully, he headed for lunch. Uncomfortable with the idea of being there during the actual service, I slipped in as people left and saw him, in a plain cassock, talking to a couple of women. I waited for them to move away before approaching.

“Can I help you, my child?”

“Can I talk…privately?” He’d probably think I needed counseling or something, and I tried to keep that sort of tone in my voice, for public consumption.

Maybe I did need counseling, but I knew what a Catholic priest would say. He’d say that I should turn away from unnatural desires for other women.

In other words, choose. I wasn’t going down that road, at least not yet. “Of course.”

There was a small room off the church. Not the vestry, but an office of sorts. “So, what is wrong?”

“This is going to sound crazy, but I need an exorcist.”

He studied me with a sudden intensity. “You do? Not for yourself…”

“Oh, it’s…not like that. He’s not possessing anyone. He’s…uh…”

“…and I get dragged in again. I’m going to spray holy water in his face.”

He didn’t specify who. I knew who he meant. “I wouldn’t think he would know any priests.”

The priest laughed. “You’d be surprised. You’d be surprised how many of us know monotheism is crock. But acknowledging somebody’s existence isn’t the same thing as worshipping them. So, Loki sent you to me.”

“He sent me to your church. For help dealing with a demon that wants to get in my pants. I’m sorry.”

He sighed, sitting down. “I really thought I was well clear of all of this and could just tend to my flock, but I suppose you never really get out.”

“I know I won’t.” I wasn’t about to tell him anything about my own identity. “But then…I’m not sure I want to.”

“Probably the best way to be. Not sure you want to. That way you won’t wish for a normal life quite as much. Okay. I can do an exorcism, but we’d need to lure the demons into it.”

I nodded. “Well, the one who wants in my pants, that’s easy enough. I don’t mind being bait.”

“Be careful with that.”

“Oh, I won’t let him actually, you know, but…honestly, that’s why I want to get rid of him. That and demon fun…generally ends with somebody getting killed.”

“And somebody losing their soul.” That had the tone of a warning.

But I was able to answer confidently, “Mine’s safe.”

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