The guy’s name was Derek Barton. He wasn’t even Egyptian, I thought wryly. Of course, there were a ton of people on the internet who thought black people shouldn’t have anything to do with Norse gods.
So, I supposed a white guy could mess with Egyptian ones. Just not this particular god. He was also a fat, ugly nerd.
The picture on his dating profile had to actually be him, because nobody would use a picture like that as a false picture. I was surprised he didn’t. He was, after all, a fat, ugly nerd.
Maybe he was just saving time by not meeting chicks who cared about appearances. Some people didn’t, after all. Some people went for personality.
According to his profile he was into bad movies, Egyptology, cryptic history and roleplaying games. I felt sorry for his gaming group.
I felt sorry for anyone who wanted to date him. He was looking for a gamer chick, in his own words, who was intellectual, wore glasses…it didn’t go much into physical type. Glasses would be easy enough. He preferred brunettes. Over the counter reading glasses and wash out dye would be enough to give him a picture I was pretty sure he’d like.
He did. He probably never had hot girls contact him. Just ones who were after a boyfriend who played the same system. He really didn’t look like a priest of evil who’d blow up an apartment building.
I suppose terrorists, real ones, never actually look like terrorists. Maybe. McVeigh, in pictures on the internet, kinda looked like a thug. This guy looked like a pathetic loser.
I felt sorry for him, but I also knew deep within me that he was beyond saving at this point. He was beyond anything but putting down.
So, I sent the message. And we typed back and forth for a while. His favorite system was old school D&D. I didn’t know much about D&D, so I claimed I liked some newfangled game I’d found on the internet, but was willing to try anything.
He challenged me to an online game of Cards Against Humanity. I agreed to play a hand and regretted it pretty quickly. He played the most racist card in every single hand, and I was pretty sure he wasn’t just being cathartic.
I called Kanesha, “Don’t let this guy see you. He’s racist scum. And every D&D group he’s been in has been awful.”
“So he turned to real life demon summoning?”
“Apparently. He’s now making me play Cards Against Humanity with him.”
“That game’s fun.”
“Not when the person you’re playing against is playing every racist card and playing them like he means them. Trust me.”
“You know who we should get to play…”
“Oh no. I am not playing Cards Against Humanity with my father.”
She sounded innocent. “Why not?”